you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
