So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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