just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
