Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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