Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
