I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
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Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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