two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize