Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
