I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Farmville is her only friend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
