I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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