she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
