I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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