He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
