Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
