sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
third nipple confirmed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
