i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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