You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
