I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
