Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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