Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
