Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
