jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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