'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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