I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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