Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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