Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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