Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i used baking grease as lip gloss
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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