I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
