Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
