A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
