The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
