you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
