giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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