my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
