Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...