My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?