I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
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Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.