70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"