Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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