Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
