exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
