She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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