I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
