I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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