Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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