I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
3 2 1 whiskey
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
