my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
