I'm lost and stupid without you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
