I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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