i think i have herpe
just one?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
