I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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