One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
