i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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