People in love make me want to vomit
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
