not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
someone owes me an orgasm
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
