there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I need moral support for this bender
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
