Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
