Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
