Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
