jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
