HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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