Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
