I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
