you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
